32 - Video - Backdated to 3rd

[bodilesswarrior]

[She's never felt so small.

It's the sort of thing she would hide, usually, but not today. Her shoulders are slumped, and her expression is worn, and her voice is dull.]

Everyone I know - I'd just like you to check in.

[Iris, of course, has been at her side since they got back. It's helped - it always has, holding her close - but it can't overcome everything else.

She made a promise.]

[Emperor]

You, especially.

[A strained, bitter smile.]

You can say "I told you so" if you want.

[Spam! Open to All]

[She needed to get out. Out of her tower, out of her head.

She's dressed in an old black tank, hair pulled back in a short, low ponytail. Her hands are wrapped in frayed strips of cloth.

As soon as she gets to the gym, she picks a punching bag and starts wailing on it. It's not about precision, or stamina; she'll pummel the leather until her hands bleed.]

Comments

[private]

[heisrisen]

[He doesn't respond immediately, but it's not a long wait, either. A few minutes.]

He didn't blame you.

[He remembers that much. He feels cold and angry and tight, somehow, densely compounded in on himself, but the words are plain, rather than pointed; he is trying to be gracious.]

[private]

[bodilesswarrior]

[She closes her eyes, just for a moment, hard and tight.]

Thank you. [She knows what he's doing. She appreciates it; maybe it will help, eventually. Knowing that.]

We should talk about how you did, over there.

[private]

[heisrisen]

No one gave me any trouble and I did nothing of consequence.

[Crisp, lightly bitter. He's fine. It was fine.]

[private]

[bodilesswarrior]

[Barbara closes her eyes, for a moment, pinching the bridge of her nose.]

You did nothing significant for an entire month on an enemy vessel.

[private]

[heisrisen]

Your enemy.

I didn't help Iris and I didn't torture anyone. So, yes?

[private]

[bodilesswarrior]

...Were you planning to torture people?

[hellofist]

Do you still, um... have those papers?

[YOU know the ones.]

[bodilesswarrior]

[Cass.

She draws a smile, despite everything - strained, and tired, but warm.]

Of course I do.

[hellofist]

Would like to see them. If you're not busy.

[She knows Barbara would make the time for her, there's no question there, but that doesn't means he shouldn't give her the chance to ask Cass to come another time.]

[bodilesswarrior]

Of course. [A wry smile.] Hard to do my thing without electricity. [Even in No Man's Land, her computers worked.]

[hellofist]

You could find way.

[The way she says that, it's clear she means that she believes Barbara can do anything. It's also clear by the way there's a knock shortly after this that she didn't wait for a yes before heading over, but she probably wasn't broadcasting from directly outside Barbara's door the whole time.

Probably.]

[bodilesswarrior]

[She turns away. She doesn't want Cass to see her face crumple, even if she sees the bitter despair in the set of her shoulders.

There's an echo of it as she opens the door, and the tension that action always brings, but it's dwarfed by love and affection.]

Hey, you.

[spam]

[routemistress]

[Iris is probably not as much comfort as she should be. She's gutted by the losses, disoriented by the whiplash of being home and safe. She alternates between extravagant, noisy crying jags and the sort of sullen silence where she's forcing herself not to pick a stupid fight about nothing.

More than anything else, she wants to get blitzed stupid drunk and then perhaps get in a barfight, and she will never do that in front of Barbara. Occasionally it crosses her mind to go and drink alone in her room, and then she changes her mind because really, what's the point? There's no bar and no one left she wants to fight with.]

I'm sorry, love. I can go if you'd rather.

[spam]

[bodilesswarrior]

[Barbara weeps when Iris doesn't - quietly, into her shoulder or Jonesy's fur. It's easier, somehow, in dim light of the flickering candles. She doesn't mind the tense silence or the wracking sobs; she's accustomed to both, and quiet support is something she can actually do.

She smiles at the words, reaching out to catch Iris' hand and squeeze her fingers.] For someone so brilliant, you can be pretty stupid.

[spam]

[routemistress]

D'you think I don't know that, my love?

[But it takes the fight right out of her, somehow.]

It's why I latch onto people like you, you can do the thinking for me. What've I done now?

[spam]

[bodilesswarrior]

[Her grip tightens, as her smile fades.] Please, I'm stupid in at least half the same ways.

I never want you to go, Iris. I - you're not a burden, never. Right now, you're... [Her voice breaks, a little bit.] You're one of the only things holding me together.

[spam]

[routemistress]

Oh aye, that's the other reason I love you.

[And then it bubbles up again, the grief and the rage.]

'E didn't say goodbye. 'E always told me 'e'd only go 'ome to die and 'e didn't even want to graduate and I offered to 'elp stop 'im, that's 'ow morally bankrupt I am, Babs, and 'e's gone anyway.

...who'm I going to fight with, now?

[private]

[shakenandlimp]

Ma'am. I'm in health, ma'am.

[Miserable, but able.]

[private]

[bodilesswarrior]

[Barbara smiles, genuinely relieved.] I'm glad, Captain.

[It fades, as she considers. Hesitates.]

[Private]

Have you talked to the Emperor, since he got back?

[private]

[shakenandlimp]

I have not.

Is it-- was he harmed, there? Horatio is badly injured-- he is trying to keep me from looking in on him, so I know that it is bad.

[private]

[bodilesswarrior]

No, not as far as I know. [She'd like to think he'd tell her, but - ] But he's - he's upset.

He'll need you.

[private]

[shakenandlimp]

...thank you.

Is there anything I should know, but that he is low? [If that is all the intelligence, he will make it enough.]

[notdreaming]

Are you alright, Barbara?

[ She imagines she knows the answer. ]

[bodilesswarrior]

I'll get there. [Her smile is rueful. It's the closest she'll get to saying "no, I'm a gigantic wreck" in public - but it's true, too.

She'll get past it. She always does.]

How about you?

[notdreaming]

No lasting damage.

[ She did have some new experiences, but she's still okay. ]