Barbara Gordon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bodilesswarrior) wrote2023-08-15 05:50 am
bodilesswarrior) wrote2023-08-15 05:50 am
Hey. I, uh...
[ she scrubs a hand through her hair. she's not sure it's her place to really get barbara to examine this or to call her on it. but she's kind of been meaning to for a while, so... ]
About the... Dinah stuff? In our dream. Before.
[ she scrubs a hand through her hair. she's not sure it's her place to really get barbara to examine this or to call her on it. but she's kind of been meaning to for a while, so... ]
About the... Dinah stuff? In our dream. Before.
Before. [She says it wryly, sadly, and it would be so easy to shift the subject to that instead, but -
She shrugs, rubbing her finger. She can almost remember the feel of that ring.]
I don't - I haven't - [She doesn't know how to deal with this. She feels like a teenager, bashful and confused.]
She shrugs, rubbing her finger. She can almost remember the feel of that ring.]
I don't - I haven't - [She doesn't know how to deal with this. She feels like a teenager, bashful and confused.]
[ cass is... glad they're not talking about that instead, she doesn't want to talk about that at all. so instead she actually huffs out a little bit of a laugh as babs goes on. oh this is familiar. ]
Sorry, I'm not-- it's not... you, just... I know how this feels.
Sorry, I'm not-- it's not... you, just... I know how this feels.
I, ah, guess you do. Of course, you're a decade younger than I am... [She has so many more excuses for being an idiot about this!]
No, I guess not. Especially if you're focused on...things you think are more important.
[She doesn't answer, at first, and the silence is heavy.
Finally, she confesses, quiet and cold.]
I do.
If no one was there to stop me, at least.
Finally, she confesses, quiet and cold.]
I do.
If no one was there to stop me, at least.
[ cassandra's quiet, for a long moment. then she brings up her arms to place them over barbara's neck, leaning in for a tight hug. barbara's code isn't like jason's, cassandra knows that. it allows for the possibility of crossing that line, but it's not an idea she ever likes. it's not what she'd push for first thing. it's not something that is ever at serious risk of happening. finally, she speaks, voice wavering slightly. ]
Guess we hold each other back, then. If he shows up. [ and her voice cracks, again. it's not just not killing. for her, the bat--and her life--has always been about not wanting anyone to die. not letting anyone die, if she can help it. so the feeling of wanting anyone dead, no matter who, no matter if she knows it's wrong, no matter if it's not even a plan-- ]
I don't--I hate feeling like this, Barbara, no one deserves... but... [ a shaky breath, and finally she presses her face into barbara's shoulder. her voice comes again, quiet, on the edge of tears. ]
He took her away from me. [ as horrible as what stephanie endured at his hands was, as absolutely furious as she is on her behalf whenever she thinks on it for too long--it's all rolled up with the loss, and she can't help feeling selfish and guilty over that. (and what leslie did is something else entirely, as far as she's concerned.) ]
Guess we hold each other back, then. If he shows up. [ and her voice cracks, again. it's not just not killing. for her, the bat--and her life--has always been about not wanting anyone to die. not letting anyone die, if she can help it. so the feeling of wanting anyone dead, no matter who, no matter if she knows it's wrong, no matter if it's not even a plan-- ]
I don't--I hate feeling like this, Barbara, no one deserves... but... [ a shaky breath, and finally she presses her face into barbara's shoulder. her voice comes again, quiet, on the edge of tears. ]
He took her away from me. [ as horrible as what stephanie endured at his hands was, as absolutely furious as she is on her behalf whenever she thinks on it for too long--it's all rolled up with the loss, and she can't help feeling selfish and guilty over that. (and what leslie did is something else entirely, as far as she's concerned.) ]
Edited 2019-06-25 14:35 (UTC)
[ cass laughs at that. ]
Yeah. Back then, I always... put other things first. [ said with a look that suggests, yes, barbara does the same and they both know it. ] But--
You know, I... hopped a train to Smallville, once, when she wasn't talking to me. To see Kon. [ yeah, read into THAT what you will, cass has definitely realized it's hilarious in retrospect bc. yeah. ] All that and... we just decided we were better as friends. [ she shakes her head, huffing out a little laugh. ] I really... should have known sooner.
[ speaking of kon, remember how viscerally uncomfortable she was with men looking at her on the cruise, babs ]
What I thought I wanted. From Kon, or any of the boys who... just didn't matter... [ she smiles a little. ] It was Steph. It always was. [ it still is, she doesn't say, because she knows she doesn't need to. ]
I'm not... saying it's like that for you, just... [ you know. she has a feeling that at least some of this will feel familiar. ]
Yeah. Back then, I always... put other things first. [ said with a look that suggests, yes, barbara does the same and they both know it. ] But--
You know, I... hopped a train to Smallville, once, when she wasn't talking to me. To see Kon. [ yeah, read into THAT what you will, cass has definitely realized it's hilarious in retrospect bc. yeah. ] All that and... we just decided we were better as friends. [ she shakes her head, huffing out a little laugh. ] I really... should have known sooner.
[ speaking of kon, remember how viscerally uncomfortable she was with men looking at her on the cruise, babs ]
What I thought I wanted. From Kon, or any of the boys who... just didn't matter... [ she smiles a little. ] It was Steph. It always was. [ it still is, she doesn't say, because she knows she doesn't need to. ]
I'm not... saying it's like that for you, just... [ you know. she has a feeling that at least some of this will feel familiar. ]
[Life is sacred. It's not as personal to her, as it is to Cass, and maybe that's why considering exceptions doesn't feel like tearing her soul apart. Barbara holds her with tender fervour, as if she could stop her spirit from shattering with force of love and will.
Maybe she can.]
I know. [It's a ragged whisper.] It feels like you're betraying everything you're supposed to be, just because of how much you're hurting.
[She's always held that taking a life should be a rational decision. The last resort. She could justify killing Black Mask as saving lives. But it would still come down to vengeance, wouldn't it? To seeing Spoiler (Robin), battered and broken on that roof. Reading an autopsy report detailing every sick, hideous thing her did to her.
She doesn't think that would stop her, not if they were face to face.]
If it comes to that. Somehow. [If Black Mask ends up here, or someone like him.] Stopping me means saving a life. Focus on that.
Maybe she can.]
I know. [It's a ragged whisper.] It feels like you're betraying everything you're supposed to be, just because of how much you're hurting.
[She's always held that taking a life should be a rational decision. The last resort. She could justify killing Black Mask as saving lives. But it would still come down to vengeance, wouldn't it? To seeing Spoiler (Robin), battered and broken on that roof. Reading an autopsy report detailing every sick, hideous thing her did to her.
She doesn't think that would stop her, not if they were face to face.]
If it comes to that. Somehow. [If Black Mask ends up here, or someone like him.] Stopping me means saving a life. Focus on that.
...Yeah, I know. [She hadn't put two and two together at the time, though.
It does make Bruce's bullshit more hilarious, though, in an infuriating kind of way.] I'm glad you two figured that out so quickly.
It's. I do love Dick, that way, but I was probably...projecting, with some other guys. The short-term ones. God, once we went out with the same one.
It does make Bruce's bullshit more hilarious, though, in an infuriating kind of way.] I'm glad you two figured that out so quickly.
It's. I do love Dick, that way, but I was probably...projecting, with some other guys. The short-term ones. God, once we went out with the same one.
[There's a gasp, and not the kind you'd usually hear from Oracle. It's a delighted kind of surprise, almost childish.] You - really? Oh, Cass. [Warm, proud, relieved.] ...How long? When did you tell her?
[ cass huffs a little, making a happy humming sound. ]
I told her at the swear-in in June. Just--needed to get it out there. She needed time to... figure things out, after that... It's been... a week, maybe?
[ she seems to think for a second. ]
... Hasn't really changed much.
I told her at the swear-in in June. Just--needed to get it out there. She needed time to... figure things out, after that... It's been... a week, maybe?
[ she seems to think for a second. ]
... Hasn't really changed much.
Edited 2019-08-06 01:56 (UTC)
No, I guess it wouldn't. [They were already so close; they already shared a certain kind of intimacy.] Have you...done anything, yet, as an official couple? Gone to dinner, a movie?
Good call, probably. [Going at their own pace, recognising what they already have.]
Besides, the best dates can be unconventional. [Like, say, sneaking into the circus to fly on the trapeze.
Fortunately, Cass can't see the way she aches, for a moment.]
Besides, the best dates can be unconventional. [Like, say, sneaking into the circus to fly on the trapeze.
Fortunately, Cass can't see the way she aches, for a moment.]
[Okay, that narrows it down.]
He has a very narrow focus. It can be used against him.
And he does, but it takes a lot. At least in public.
[What the Joker does on his downtime - his inner life - isn't something she dwelled on much, before. Maybe that was a mistake.]
He has a very narrow focus. It can be used against him.
And he does, but it takes a lot. At least in public.
[What the Joker does on his downtime - his inner life - isn't something she dwelled on much, before. Maybe that was a mistake.]
Then I hope I can witness what will take him to stop smiling.
[ Which has less to do with liking or disliking the Joker and more do to with if it takes "a lot" then that would probably be worth watching. ]
He has been here some time now, getting comfortable. And what about you? Have you been comfortable since he's arrived?
[ Which has less to do with liking or disliking the Joker and more do to with if it takes "a lot" then that would probably be worth watching. ]
He has been here some time now, getting comfortable. And what about you? Have you been comfortable since he's arrived?
I'll try to get it on camera for you.
[He's certainly not the only one who'd enjoy watching.
It takes her longer to respond to the question. There's a kneejerk resistance to admitting vulnerability, but he's already seen her trauma laid bare.]
Not for a moment. Not really. Of course, half of that has been stopping my own people from going off half-cocked.
[Damian would probably balk as being described as hers. She doesn't really care.]
[He's certainly not the only one who'd enjoy watching.
It takes her longer to respond to the question. There's a kneejerk resistance to admitting vulnerability, but he's already seen her trauma laid bare.]
Not for a moment. Not really. Of course, half of that has been stopping my own people from going off half-cocked.
[Damian would probably balk as being described as hers. She doesn't really care.]
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