bodilesswarrior | TLV 3

TLV 3 - Video

[Barbara's smile is a bit tight. She's trying not to think very hard on the last few days. The renewed grief of losing her first dad. Running and flipping and dancing.]

Everyone come through that flood okay?

[Private to Agent K]

[Her lips are curved in a wry, fond little smile.]

I've been called a lot of things, but 'sweet' usually isn't one of them.

[Private to Stephanie Brown]

It's official, I'd have liked you at any point in my life. [Yes, that is a thank you.]

[Private to Tim Drake]

I...wanted to thank you. For looking out for me.

[Both the warmth and hesitation fade as Oracle takes precedence.]

And I have a question.

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Like there was ever any question. [ 'You're welcome' just won't cut it. ]

Did little Babs learn anything cool from the library?

[A quiet laugh.] She memorised three books on space travel.

I knew you'd like that. So, kid flood. Surprisingly un-horrible?

[Her smile falters, just for an instant.] Definitely could have been worse.

Nobody destroyed anything too bad. I even got to give my inmate his first Halloween. [ They can just focus on the flood and ignore the bat-shaped elephant on the ship. ]

How'd that go? [Avoiding feelings is sort of like dealing with them.]

[ Practically the same thing, right? ]

Delightfully uneventful. I made him a Dracula costume and helped him carve a pumpkin.

[He has been practicing being normal since Bruce got here. He's really good at it, at focusing even when he just wants to sit and stare at a computer screen for a few days.]

Yeah, of course. You don't have to thank me for that.

[He hears Oracle popping up and mentally steels himself, inching toward his business voice, too.] Shoot.

[She's not sure if she's disappointed or relieved that she can't hug him through these things. On to business, then.]

I was talking to Dick about Bruce. He was very adamant about keeping you out of any plans concerning him.

Do you know of any particular reason why? [Her voice softens, then.] I know it would be difficult, and I'd never force your hand, but it seemed to go deeper than that.

[He could say yes. He could say, I shot him from three feet away, right in the chest. I wasn't even sorry. I'm going to turn into that. I'm going to be just like this Bruce. Part of me already understands why he'd do this.

But he doesn't. He's careful, but not as careful as he should be, and throws up his I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about mask, the one that is a little too easy to tell is a mask. He shrugs.]

You know Dick, he still thinks I'm twelve. He's just trying to look out for me.

[And he doesn't want to ask, he doesn't, but he has to:] What plans did you have?

[Barbara's expression is summarily unimpressed.]

You know, Tim, if you don't want to talk about something, you can just say so. [There's frustration in her voice, but a bit of wry fondness, too.]

[She weighs the question. She's not working with all the information, here, and she's had to do that before - but it's different, when it's your family's well being you're playing with. (When did she start using that as shorthand, for the Bats? She can't remember.)]

Nothing particularly proactive. Just interacting with him, and learning what we can from it. This Bruce...he doesn't know most of us, so - I thought we could use that to our advantage.

[There's a moment when he has to look away, because he feels like he's turning green, or see through, or turning into him, and he needs to stare at something that doesn't move or think or feel or breathe for a second to gather himself. He settles on a lamp, off screen, and for a few seconds says nothing, not until he trusts himself.]

He knows I was Robin.

[Barbara waits, concern clear on her face; this isn't business any more, this is her and Tim and she's just worried about her friend.

She could say that Bruce still doesn't know him, but she doesn't; she simply nods.]

You - you were a big difference, for him. [A soft, strained smile.] You know, I don't think I ever really thanked you for that? I know it hasn't been easy, all the time. [And from what she's heard it just gets more difficult, more complicated.]

I think this Bruce - he made his decision before he ever met you.

Don't thank me. [He tries to smile, play it off, but he lowers his head and hunches his shoulders, staring at his lap for a little too long to play off as bashful. And he can't say anything else - he can't point out that their Bruce had made a decision, too, and Tim had changed it. He can't tell her that it doesn't matter what she or Dick said, it was his - no, this other Tim's - his - fault for not being there.]

[Barbara has a theory. That's all it is, really. But her voice is low and assured as she speaks]

Tim. Do you really think, if Bruce was going around killing people, that his Nightwing would have let Tim anywhere near him?

[And as reassuring as her voice is, his goes hard; it isn't difficult to hear the accusation in it.]

He should have gotten there sooner, then.

[Her smile is sad. She can't fault him for this; he's doing the same thing Bruce does, the same thing she does - expecting more than the best from himself, from any Tim Drake; not accepting any less than the impossible and kicking himself for failing it.]

You don't know that it would have made a difference. If he killed the Joker as soon as he could have...

[Barbara raises a hand, pinching the bridge of her nose. She knows there's an element of envy in her voice, of yearning.]

I don't always agree with Bruce. I don't always think... [Her hand falls, and she shakes her head.] But it shouldn't be him. If he started down that path - obviously, none of us stopped him. I wasn't even -
[She cuts herself off. Doesn't matter.]

[It's hard to hear what she's saying, let alone what she's not saying. Tim shakes his head sharply.] I should have gotten there. 'I,' not 'he.']

It doesn't matter when it was. Even if it was just Joker, I could have stopped him.

[Her voice goes low, soft.] Telling ourselves what we could have done - it's not a good road, Tim. [she could have checked she could have kicked she could have] Especially when we're not working with all the facts - and especially if we're talking about a life you never led.

For all we know, this Tim Drake never saw the Flying Graysons.

Then someone else should have stopped him! [Someone else is what he says, but he still means me, I. He can't see this logically; he can't see this without the bias of his future breathing down his neck.]

How could they have let this happen?

...I don't know. [Barbara pushes a hand through her hair, looking as tired as she sounds.

She doesn't speak, for a moment, weighing her words carefully. When she does, it's quiet, grim.]

I can understand...the temptation. [That's why she considers that option so fleetingly, so direly; she doesn't want to make it normal, make it easy. Sometimes she thinks it wouldn't take that long, and it's a little horrifying.] And maybe - maybe if I drove everyone away, I'd give in to it.

[Her voice is almost a whisper, now.] If I convinced myself it would mean no more Jasons. No more Sarahs.

[Panic spasms through him. How close did he come to killing Boomerang? All he had to do was make one good choice, just one, been a little less predictable, and he would have been safe. He could have killed Harkness. And worse, it would have been easy.

But he didn't. Dick - back home, Dick had praised him for it. But Bruce had seen it in him. He'd seen the truth. He knew that Tim had set the whole scenario up, had calculated hundreds of different paths Digger could have taken to get himself out of trouble. But he'd known - and Bruce knew he did - that Digger could only take one path.

I couldn't go through with it...I couldn't let someone else kill him.

Tim can't look at her, finds some spot on the wall across from him to stare at. He'd saved Digger in the end. Saved him. But Bruce always saw right to the quick of things. You saved him tonight, Tim...but what about tomorrow?

He looks like he's going to be sick, when he glances at her again, and he can't say anything. Because he understands, and a part of him, a big part, wants to go home and wrap his fingers around Digger Harkness' throat and squeeze until he's dead again. And how big a step is it from there, to the Batman who carries a gun and has made Gotham safe through murder?

Tim doesn't say anything. He just kills the feed.]

[Barbara sits and stares at the blank screen for a bit too long.

A part of her aches to find Tim and wrap him in her arms, but that's now how either of them works. Even if she just talked to him - right now, she thinks it would just be prodding an open wound.

She wishes she knew what had caused it. What had made him so sick and scared.

But if he ever tells her, it will be in his own time. Until then - she'll just do what she can.]

My perspective might be a little skewed, I admit.

How're you holdin' up?

That happens, in some lines of work. [She's not sure exactly what his is, yet, but if it involves fighting aliens...]

I - could just say I'm fine, but I get the feeling you'd know better. [It's odd, but she doesn't mind as much as she usually would.]

I spend most of my time with a Time Lord. It's been a while since I've believed "I'm fine" as any sort of truthful statement.

I don't usually buy it from my friends, either. Probably says something about us, the company we keep.

I probably let 'em get away with it too often.

But I'll ask an easier question; feelin' better being back in your usual skin?

...For the most part. [Her gaze darts down before she can stop it, and her lips tighten.

She was okay, before. She's been okay for a long time. But she was just - she was just dancing.

It'll pass. She knows that. But waiting is a killer.]

I think no matter what body you're in, people just have to do what they can to make it theirs. [Even if she can't walk.] I'm actually 72 years old. My last deal gives me another chance not to spend the rest of my life alone and... honestly, feels weird to be without all my wear and tear even though I knew I wanted the extra time. I always felt like I earned it.

[Her eyes go wide. That's - actually not as surprising as it could be, really, with him.]

I can see how that'd be disconcerting. [A soft smile.] But I'm glad you got that chance.

It is. But no more than anything else is. [Suburban life? Now THAT is too much for him.]

But you're tough, you're smart. I got every confidence you'll pull this off.

I appreciate the vote of confidence.

This place - it's giving me more curve balls than I expected. [Her smile deepens.] But I'm nothing if not adaptable.

[Oh! Aya recognizes the nice red-haired girl she had met as a "child".]

It was a very interesting experience.

[Barbara certainly can't miss the resemblance, and her grin is just about as delighted as it was then.]

That's one word for it. Was that your first time, being so little?

Yes.

I had not realized that organic children viewed their existences so differently.

[A quiet laugh.] We do, yeah. Experience shapes us quite a bit. ...That, and it takes a while for our brains to finish forming.

I came online with my programming fully developed at the optimal mental stage.

[Until she started evolving even further.]

[A wry smile.] Sometimes I wish humans worked that way.

You did not find enjoyment in regressing to a more youthful demeanor?

It wasn't - a great period of my life.

Why not?

[Aya asks simply because that's what she does. She means no harm.]

[Barbara doesn't mind, really; that's what she does, too, when it comes down to it. But she does switch the filter.]

My father had just died. [There's a distance to it, now; she can say it without her chest tightening, without her throat burning. But the grief is still there, worn and wistful.]

...oh.

[That would explain the changes in tone and facial expressions. Changes that Aya, as a child, had not readily picked up on because her attention had been elsewhere. Focused on far more trivial matters. Less aware.]

My condolences.

[A faint smile.]

Thank you.

It was...nice. To have a distraction.

Understandable.

Though I have learned that one can take a strange degree of comfort in reliving painful memories... [She thinks back to what Razer told her of getting to see Ilana 'one more time' in exchange for such pain] ...there are also times when it is better not to dwell on such emotions of suffering and loss.

Guess you could say that.

Edited 2012-10-27 04:23 (UTC)

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TLV 3 - Video

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