Nah. And I know we talked about this before, kind of, I just--
[Wanted to see if more time and exposure would change her tune. It's not often that people come back after such a long absence, and while she's undeniably happy about it, it has left her reeling a bit.]
-- anyway. Cain would be disappointed in me, but I think that'd be, like, unavoidable.
Cain put you on a bit of a pedestal. He saw something precious to protect, instead of... [ Her voice strains, before it trails off. She takes a breath as she shakes her head. ] You were like a second chance.
But we all change. Most of the time, that involves making compromises we never could have, before. Accepting things that would have crushed us.
Let me tell you, if a younger Barbara met me she'd be horrified.
Yeah, exactly; that's my point. Precious and innocent.
[Never mind that she's never felt like she's either of those things. And for as much as she cared - still cares - about Cain, she knows it would grate on her far more now than it did then.]
How easily I manipulate people. What I'm willing to accept if it means achieving what I need to do. How ready I am to send people I love into situations they may not come back from. The fact that I've killed, and I'd do it again if it was the best option available. [ Her voice is heavy, now, but not exactly regretful. She's more or less made her peace with who and what she's become; what really hurts, lately, is that it hasn't felt like enough. ]
[ She's quiet, for a moment, both grateful and reluctant.
Finally, quietly - ] I never really stopped feeling guilty about it. I made a promise, to the ones who ended up here for a while. That I'd find a way to destroy that place without sacrificing them.
But she still thought you were cold, because of who you've needed to be and the decisions you've had to make. [ That's even less fair! But also not unsurprising. ]
...Honestly, I'm - objectively speaking, I'm glad you realised that wasn't true. [ But it still makes her a little sad. ]
Yeah, I can see how that would contribute. Context is important. [ She can't help but grimace as she imagines certain events being the only glimpses of her life, either here or back home. ]
...Even if we don't think about something, it can still - sit there, in the back of our minds. Festering.
I'm not saying it is, necessarily, but - it's something to look out for.
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bodilesswarrior) wrote2023-08-15 05:50 am
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No. I'm not, and I don't. [ She just says it, simple and steady and sure. ]
What brought this on? Did something happen?
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[Wanted to see if more time and exposure would change her tune. It's not often that people come back after such a long absence, and while she's undeniably happy about it, it has left her reeling a bit.]
-- anyway. Cain would be disappointed in me, but I think that'd be, like, unavoidable.
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But we all change. Most of the time, that involves making compromises we never could have, before. Accepting things that would have crushed us.
Let me tell you, if a younger Barbara met me she'd be horrified.
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[Never mind that she's never felt like she's either of those things. And for as much as she cared - still cares - about Cain, she knows it would grate on her far more now than it did then.]
What wouldn't a younger Barbara like about you?
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[But there isn't disappointment in her tone, either.]
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But I like that we're different. I like that you've decided who you want to be.
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[But it's comforting, hearing Barbara say it first.]
Thanks. I don't get insecure as much as I used to, but--
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[ She'd been far more at peace with herself before being back home for a few years. ]
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...Have I ever told you about my mirror self? [ She doesn't think so. The original Mirror Barge has always been difficult to talk about. ]
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Finally, quietly - ] I never really stopped feeling guilty about it. I made a promise, to the ones who ended up here for a while. That I'd find a way to destroy that place without sacrificing them.
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They had to know you couldn't keep that promise for sure. You could promise to try, but--
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[ She stops, swallowing hard. It had been so long, that helpless grief and fury muted and tucked away, and then... ]
I'd forgotten that sometimes it doesn't matter how hard we try. How much we care.
[ Tired and bitter, but she does inject some reassurance in there. ]
Your other self never quite learned that, I think. My other self forgot everything else.
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[Tiffany had spent too long being small and insignificant to have ever really believed that her trying and caring could overcome any obstacle.]
She believed it about other people, though. If she loved someone enough, she thought they were magic.
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...Honestly, I'm - objectively speaking, I'm glad you realised that wasn't true. [ But it still makes her a little sad. ]
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-- Anyway. I don't think about it too much anymore.
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...Even if we don't think about something, it can still - sit there, in the back of our minds. Festering.
I'm not saying it is, necessarily, but - it's something to look out for.
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[She knows she's right, too. Shit.]
Well, you know me; I like talking. The problem's the stuff I don't like talking about.
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Well, if you want someone to push you...
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Breaches don't usually bug me much, and this one didn't either, mostly. But-- there was one thing.
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