Barbara Gordon (
bodilesswarrior) wrote2013-01-31 04:59 pm
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TLV 5 - Video
[Barbara is twirling a pen round her fingers with careless dexterity as she leans back in her wheelchair, gaze distant.]
I was going to talk about being a Warden and the responsibilities it entails and the sort of things we need to commit to when we agree to come on board this ship.
[She shakes her head, as the pen spins faster.]
But the truth is I'm not sure if I even have a right to be here. I barely address my own issues, half the time. I know they're there, of course, but there's always something more important.
And when it comes to other people... [A low, bitter laugh.] I ended my engagement over the phone. Didn't even tell him why.
I've used the people I love most. I've manipulated them. I've made them face near certain death, horrific trauma, brutal violence. All because of the mission. The greater good.
[The pen snaps, and she lets the pieces fall.]
Sometimes I think I'm a better vigilante than I am a person, and that's not what the Barge needs.
I was going to talk about being a Warden and the responsibilities it entails and the sort of things we need to commit to when we agree to come on board this ship.
[She shakes her head, as the pen spins faster.]
But the truth is I'm not sure if I even have a right to be here. I barely address my own issues, half the time. I know they're there, of course, but there's always something more important.
And when it comes to other people... [A low, bitter laugh.] I ended my engagement over the phone. Didn't even tell him why.
I've used the people I love most. I've manipulated them. I've made them face near certain death, horrific trauma, brutal violence. All because of the mission. The greater good.
[The pen snaps, and she lets the pieces fall.]
Sometimes I think I'm a better vigilante than I am a person, and that's not what the Barge needs.
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If I am, it's only because you've acted on your impulses.
[Ink is dripping down her hand, staining her sleeve.]
Do you know how easy it would be for me?
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You're better.
Some impulses are better left as such.
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-> action whoops
action oh dear
sobbing
insert dedcat here
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Seriously, get off this thing, it will fuck up your shit.
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Well, not really.
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[He's just a bit more besides.]
But, no Cardassian lives by needle and thread alone. When we come of age, my people have mandatory military service and I, fool that I was, followed my commander.
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There's a lot of bad people out there and there's a lot of good people out there, and if I'm learning anything from whatever's going on right now, it's that most of us are neither.
No. The way I'm seeing it, Wardens are less 'good people' and more people who can use their 'badness' constructively. And I think that might be more useful to an Inmate who'd have no way to relate to someone who's only got value to them as a role model.
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That's...a really good point. [A slight smile.] Thank you, Sara.
I was glad to hear Dick had someone like you.
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Thanks. I'll have to do my best to live up to that.
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It's one of the reasons I like you. You see the best in the world, even though you've experienced the worst. I have a hard time doing that, nowadays.
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It's taken a lot of practice, I've gotten really good at it.
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Yeah. He was heartbroken, but I couldn't even - I was numb.
And, you know, I could have contacted him later. After I got better. [A thin, bitter smile.] But I was a coward.
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[She frowns, then, peering at him.]
Are you okay?
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